Beth's blog

2007-03-30T21:09:00.000+01:00

I'm not updating this any more. Email me if you want to know where I've gone.

London called

2007-02-03T10:51:00.000Z

London is a strange place. I'm sure it's not if you live there, or if you go there regularly. But I've only been... maybe five times in total? And one of them was a business trip where we went to where we were going and then we went home again without even the slightest detour. (It was a crap trip too; we had to get the train at 6.30am to go to a rather boring conference, then we had to leave before the bit that might possibly have been slightly relevant to us to get our train back because it overran.)

It was work I was there for yesterday, too, but I enjoyed it a lot more. I booked to go on a tour in the head office of my Department. I was the only one going; it hadn't occurred to me til a couple of days before that that would mean I would have to navigate the tube on my own. (I know, it seems obvious now, but I just hadn't thought about it!)

Anyway, I did. I found my way to where I was going, and it was great. I doubt Londoners get excited about the names of stations on the tube map, but I did. Inwardly, of course; I didn't betray my cool, unemotional exterior. I didn't want to look like a tourist. But how can you look at the names on the map and not smile inwardly? Piccadilly Circus; Angel; Shoreditch; Westminster; I didn't go through more than one of those stations, but it was amazing to know that I could. That even though I'd been in Newcastle in the morning, I was in London. It amazed me how diverse it is; I knew, but I didn't know. It made me realise how white Newcastle is in comparison.

I didn't get time to walk round. To enjoy it properly.

I want to go back sometime soon.

(I know. This post destroyed any street cred I may have had. What can you do eh?)

2007-01-31T23:44:00.000Z

I don't post, because I have no readers. But anyone who does pop in is much less likely to stay around and say hi if I don't post, eh?

Life has been rather busy in January. But I'm going to slow things down a bit, else I'll make myself ill. So I should post more regularly now.

JanNo was a bust. I'm disappointed, but there's always February, March and the rest of my life to write in. And I will.

2007-01-21T17:28:00.000Z

In other news. Thank Christ for this. Jade killing Big Brother would be the ultimate irony, eh?

It disturbs me how many people don't even have a clue what Big Brother is referring to. When you look round and see how many things from 1984 have come to pass... it's creepy.

Normal service resumes soon.

2007-01-21T17:21:00.000Z

I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't get anything done. I keep crying for no apparent reason. This isn't like me.

I'm dreading the thought of work tomorrow, even though the person I'm dreading seeing isn't in til Wednesday. I have too much to do, I don't know how I can ever catch up. I'm dreading anyone finding out just how far behind I am. My JanNo is completely stalled... i've set myself a target of writing 5k by midnight and I can't even make myself open the document. There's a job I really want - a job doing what I want to do in life - and I can't think of ways to demonstrate that I can do stuff I know I can do really well. Hubby doesn't know what have a clue what to do with me, bless him.

I don't know what the point to life is right now.

Like I said, this isn't like me.

Update:
I've spoken to one of my sisters and had a good cry and I feel better now. Not great, but a lot better. It's a relief.

2007-01-15T21:13:00.000Z

I went swimming today! 30 lengths in less than 25 minutes, complete with 1-2 minute breaks every 6 lengths.

It's strange... I didn't come out feeling I'd worked particularly hard, but today someone in work was saying she feels faint after 10 lengths. I'm not very fit, really, but I should get used to the fact that I'm not as unfit as I think I am.

I'm fitter than I used to be.

It's a strange thought for the girl who would always be picked last for any team, the girl who was told never to run it would damage her knees, the girl who hated exercise. I think I thought that would always be the case. It's hard to make that all tie up together in my head.

2007-01-14T16:13:00.000Z

I really have to go on with my JanNo.

I'm 12.5k behind.

Why am I not writing? I wish I knew.

On a different tack, my knees hurt this morning. I wish I hadn't let my fitness slide again. This time, I will be different. Oh yes, I will be different!

2007-01-13T11:48:00.000Z

I did my run. Slow and short, but I did it. I wanted to run longer, but my chest decided that would be a bad idea. I covered about 2k, but walked for about 0.25k. But I haven't run since October. Anyway, my body always surprises me when it comes to how quickly I can get back into running. I just have to put some more dates into my diary.

PS

2007-01-12T22:39:00.000Z

JanNo not great. No words written since Tuesday. I have some serious catching up to do at the weekend.

run, run as fast as you can

2007-01-12T22:18:00.000Z

I took up running, sporadically, in 2003. I had started a new job at the end of 2002 and it was just after I'd seen the Great North Run and was thinking vaguely about starting. This happened quite often. Never after the marathon; that (still) seems way beyond me. But a half marathon? That sounds doable. Hard, but doable.

There was a group of people who ran at my old job. I was talking to one of them one day, and she asked me if I wanted to join them. In a moment of weakness, I said yes. And she held me to it. They ran 2-3 miles at lunchtime at least one day a week; I was horrendously unfit. The first time I went out, I barely ran for three minutes before I made them walk with me for a minute. I was only out ten before I turned back. There was snow on the ground; it was very cold, and I felt like I was going to die. I tried to run a little as I made my way back to work, but mostly walked. I couldn't believe I would ever be able to keep up with them.

But I kept going. More accurately, I suppose, they kept me going; they wouldn't let me give up easily. I kind of wanted to, but I'd always thought I was bad at running. I was quite fascinated by the small improvements. Then one day I talked to someone else in work who was a beginner at running, too. That, and our decision to take place in the Race for Life, was the thing that clinched it. I ran the R4L that year and the year after. I didn't manage to run the whole 5k, but I ran most of it, and I was proud.

I sloped off a little in 2005. I had slacked off a little on the training, and even stopped running for a little while. But I kept coming back to it. In 2006, the running bug bit me harder. I took part in the Race for Life and Great Women's Run, raising over £200 for Cancer Research UK, and did the Sport Relief mile too. I was really good there for a while. Not super good, but for a girl who was told never to run as a kid (the BUPA docs told me I had dodgy knees and it would make them hurt more), I was impressed.

But then I got a bike and started cycling to work. I couldn't deal with running and cycling, so the running dropped off. Then the weather got bad and I stopped cycling regularly too. I'm swimming weekly with one of my friends, but that's all the exercise I've been getting. I've been exhausted; headachy and tired and miserable, and I've just wanted to go to bed when I got back from work.

Today, I had a long day in work. Yesterday, too. This week has been really busy. But today, I could feel the twitching in my muscles. They want to stretch. They want to run.

So why am I posting rather than running? Well, it's dark and late and cold. And I think I need to build myself up to it. And I'd rather do my first run in months in daylight. But tomorrow, I really have to go for a run.

JanNo, again

2007-01-07T21:42:00.000Z

I hit 11.5k. I am so relieved. Of course, I'm going out for tea with the girls on Tuesday and it's my darling hubby's birthday on Wednesday, so this week is going be hard, but there you go. My spreadsheet is still telling me that at this rate, I'm not going to finish on time, but hopefully I'll manage to catch up with myself in the end.

Things keep happening in my novel that I didn't expect. It's quite strange. Things are actually surprising me! You wouldn't think that would happen when I'm writing it from my own brain.

I'm having tons of fun in the forums. I doubt I would have got so far if it wasn't for them. There are some crazy people over there :)

Latest JanNo Word Count:

2007-01-07T17:20:00.000Z

10,370 words. 630 to finish by bedtime. Go me.

Loads of stuff to do this weekend though. And there's only a few hours left. Oh well....

I know there's no point crying over spilt milk, but there's loads of stuff in work that I should have done and haven't. It's because I actually have too much work at the mo to possibly get it all done. I've been considering the idea of bringing it home, but believe me, I don't get paid enough for that. It would be nice though just to get it FINISHED. But at the mo, JanNo takes priority. Which is possibly a sign that my priorities are the wrong way round, but there you go.

Anyway, I'm hoping that posting that will enable me to stop thinking about it. I can't do anything about it now, and I couldn't help being ill on Friday, so nothing to be done. And my scary line manager can't actually physically attack me, so it can't be that bad, can it?

So am I to believe that I'm just talking to myself out here then? Oh well. Would be nice to think someone was reading, but I should know better from my last excursion into this blogging thing. I didn't have any readers then, either :)

2007-01-06T17:24:00.000Z

JanNo word count: 6905. I'm hoping to hit 11k by the end of the weekend but think that might be a crazy plan. It's hard work... I'm kind of enjoying it, but after the first bit flowed really well, I've got to a really sticky bit and it's not going so well. But even though I'm behind on where I planned to be, it's still 6905 words I probably wouldn't have written without JanNo.

So anyway, I wondered, how many of those now posting on downesdescendants have found this place? Or has anyone from JanNo? If you've wandered in, please say hi in the comments. I like to know if there's anyone reading, apart from my lovely loria.

2007-01-04T21:14:00.000Z

It's crazy. I started the new year feeling all refreshed and generally better, but today I had to come home from work early because my head was so bad. This is not helping me get my novel written, people!

A new girl started in work today. She's also called Beth. I've never worked anywhere with another Beth before. This may be confusing....

I have nothing else to talk about right now. I'm very boring.

2007-01-02T15:55:00.000Z

Wow. I finally got round to setting up the blog for my family last night, and loads of people have signed up and posted already. I'm really excited.

The JanNovel is going well so far, but I haven't written anything yet today. So that's probably a bit of an overstatement.

Can't believe it's back to work tomorrow. Still, it's only a three day week. I'm sure I can manage....

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T23:41:00.000Z

Wow, that was a long few days. December was a bastard.

Had a good Christmas and New Year, albeit largely quiet. Now I'm working on my JanNo. I'm 2,517 words into what will hopefully be a 50,000 bonanza. Took me ages to really get going today, but now it's starting to flow. I've not really written anything for ages, so I'm trying to go easy on myself. You need an average of 1613 words a day to hit the target, but I'm aiming for 2k a day so there's some slack in the system.

Still on leave tomorrow, thank goodness. I need plenty of time for thank yous for christmas pressies, 2k (or maybe even another 2.5k!) on my JanNo, and there's lots of cleaning and tidying to do before I go back to work on Wednesday.

I don't really do resolutions these days, but I did make some readolutions. I'm planning to read a book a week (on average, anyway) and to join the library and stop spending so much money on books. Also, Paul and I plan to spend as little as poss this year so we can pay off my student loan and the money my dad lent me to buy this flat by the end of the year. On current projections, we pay it back March 08, so technically it shouldn't be too difficult to bring it forward, but right now the total owed is £7,613, and our debt repayments for this year will be about 27% of our income per month, so finding any extra will actually be quite a stretch. Wish us luck, eh?

2006-12-05T21:01:00.000Z

I am so exhausted. I'm not dead, I just don't have any energy to post. Back in a few days.

2006-12-03T11:30:00.000Z

I really wanted to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. But November was just too darned busy for me for a first attempt... too much going on in work, too much going on out of work. I was thinking of trying it by myself in January and said as much in the chicklit forums a couple of days ago. Someone mentioned other stuff going on in reply so I checked out the site again and found a link to January Novel Writing Month. So I registered. Wahoo! I'm glaciersmelting over there if anyone else drops in.

2006-11-29T22:42:00.000Z

OK, more stuff that has happened:

My other sister got fabulous A level results and went to uni. She's nearly half way through already.
I started volunteering at Samaritans. I've been doing that for over a year now. Ooh, and I went on the Samaritans conference in York. It was great fun.
I had a free Life Coaching course and have worked out where I want to go in life. I haven't got far in actually putting that into motion yet, but hey. Baby steps, eh?
Stopped being ashamed of my job, and stopped being ashamed of dropping out of uni. I just have to start acting like I'm not ashamed of it now. Sometimes that's harder.
Taken Paul on his first trip abroad, to visit my sister in Germany.
Turned 30.
Been to see Tori Amos, Franz Ferdinand and Placebo. Developed huge crushes on all of the above.
Started running. Done a 10k for Cancer Research UK and completed it in 1hr 17.
Planned to go on three hen nights. Been ill for two of them.
Started cycling to work occasionally. I really enjoy it.
Promised my family at the last wedding I was at that I'd start a family blog. Err, I haven't done that yet.

That should bring you just about up to date. Let me know if you're curious about anything :)

2006-11-27T21:50:00.000Z

I've been trying to think about what's happened since I last had a blog or an LJ.

We got a new bathroom with a freestanding bath.
Paul got back in touch with his family.
One of my sisters moved to Germany.

Is it bad that that's all I can think of? I'm sure there's been loads more stuff than that, but I can't think of any of it.

I just made a christmas cake and christmas pudding. They smell nice. It's a bit worrying though that I can't see if they really taste nice til Christmas.

2006-11-23T22:16:00.000Z

Paul had sushi for lunch today. I had chips. Between us, we had fish and chips. I like bizarre symmetry.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I won a pamper day a little while ago for me and three people, and I'm taking my mum and sisters. I need a bit of TLC, so it's good timing for me. I've taken Monday off too, so when I get back Sunday I'm not straight back to work. It's quite a relief.

2006-11-22T08:32:00.000Z

I really need to leave for work now. I'm not exactly motivated though. Got really upset last night about not being able to find another job. I'm feeling a bit trapped at the mo... I want to get something else. I feel really frustrated and bored at present in my job - I've done all I can, but I can't find anything else to move on to. Paul's great, but I've been here before, and he must be bored of this. Hell, I'm bored of this. I just can't see what the lesson is I'm supposed to be learning here. And believe me, I'm past ready to learn it, just so I can move on.

2006-11-19T18:39:00.000Z

We're going to go and see Muse at Newcastle Arena tonight. I'm so excited :)

When you're not able to sleep...

2006-11-16T00:07:00.000Z

...that's the best time to start your blog for real. Or something.

I am so tired right now. I was on an overnight at Samaritans last night; didn't sleep very much and then only managed about 2 hours when I got home. I tried to have an early night tonight, really I did - I was in bed by 10pm, which is particularly early for me. I need to be up by 6.15am, so that I can get into work for 7.30am or shortly after (and believe me, that time should not be a time that I'm at work) and do a ton of work for the conference on Friday. I just sent my to do list for tomorrow to my work email. Shoot me now.

But be all that as it may, I can't sleep. Two hours, people, and I'm up again having not even dozed a little. WIDE awake. So it's six hours' sleep tonight or less, and we'd better hope that I'm OK tomorrow, cause if not? The conference is going to be a mess.

I'm really scared of this blogging malarkey in some ways. Last time I tried, I had a loyal band of about three or four readers, and none of the other internet people I knew really bothered. I was quite hurt, cause writing is one of the things I really care about. I know that your blogs and diary entries aren't exactly high quality prose, but it still hurt, considering some of the crap out there that got loyal followings. But this time? I'm doing this for me, and to keep in touch with some people I don't see very often. I don't really care if noone else ever finds this place. It'd be nice, obviously, but I'm not going to publicise myself, so I'd be amazed. I will be putting together a proper businesslike website at some point, but right now I don't have the time, and I paid for two years of web hosting and domain names before without making it into a thing. I don't want to do that again.

Anyway, welcome! Thanks for reading :)

Testing testing

2006-09-03T22:11:00.000+01:00

One two three. Is there anyone out there?