I'm not updating this any more. Email me if you want to know where I've gone.

London called

London is a strange place. I'm sure it's not if you live there, or if you go there regularly. But I've only been... maybe five times in total? And one of them was a business trip where we went to where we were going and then we went home again without even the slightest detour. (It was a crap trip too; we had to get the train at 6.30am to go to a rather boring conference, then we had to leave before the bit that might possibly have been slightly relevant to us to get our train back because it overran.)

It was work I was there for yesterday, too, but I enjoyed it a lot more. I booked to go on a tour in the head office of my Department. I was the only one going; it hadn't occurred to me til a couple of days before that that would mean I would have to navigate the tube on my own. (I know, it seems obvious now, but I just hadn't thought about it!)

Anyway, I did. I found my way to where I was going, and it was great. I doubt Londoners get excited about the names of stations on the tube map, but I did. Inwardly, of course; I didn't betray my cool, unemotional exterior. I didn't want to look like a tourist. But how can you look at the names on the map and not smile inwardly? Piccadilly Circus; Angel; Shoreditch; Westminster; I didn't go through more than one of those stations, but it was amazing to know that I could. That even though I'd been in Newcastle in the morning, I was in London. It amazed me how diverse it is; I knew, but I didn't know. It made me realise how white Newcastle is in comparison.

I didn't get time to walk round. To enjoy it properly.

I want to go back sometime soon.



(I know. This post destroyed any street cred I may have had. What can you do eh?)

I don't post, because I have no readers. But anyone who does pop in is much less likely to stay around and say hi if I don't post, eh?

Life has been rather busy in January. But I'm going to slow things down a bit, else I'll make myself ill. So I should post more regularly now.

JanNo was a bust. I'm disappointed, but there's always February, March and the rest of my life to write in. And I will.

In other news. Thank Christ for this. Jade killing Big Brother would be the ultimate irony, eh?

It disturbs me how many people don't even have a clue what Big Brother is referring to. When you look round and see how many things from 1984 have come to pass... it's creepy.

Normal service resumes soon.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't get anything done. I keep crying for no apparent reason. This isn't like me.

I'm dreading the thought of work tomorrow, even though the person I'm dreading seeing isn't in til Wednesday. I have too much to do, I don't know how I can ever catch up. I'm dreading anyone finding out just how far behind I am. My JanNo is completely stalled... i've set myself a target of writing 5k by midnight and I can't even make myself open the document. There's a job I really want - a job doing what I want to do in life - and I can't think of ways to demonstrate that I can do stuff I know I can do really well. Hubby doesn't know what have a clue what to do with me, bless him.

I don't know what the point to life is right now.

Like I said, this isn't like me.

Update:
I've spoken to one of my sisters and had a good cry and I feel better now. Not great, but a lot better. It's a relief.

I went swimming today! 30 lengths in less than 25 minutes, complete with 1-2 minute breaks every 6 lengths.

It's strange... I didn't come out feeling I'd worked particularly hard, but today someone in work was saying she feels faint after 10 lengths. I'm not very fit, really, but I should get used to the fact that I'm not as unfit as I think I am.

I'm fitter than I used to be.

It's a strange thought for the girl who would always be picked last for any team, the girl who was told never to run it would damage her knees, the girl who hated exercise. I think I thought that would always be the case. It's hard to make that all tie up together in my head.

I really have to go on with my JanNo.

I'm 12.5k behind.

Why am I not writing? I wish I knew.

On a different tack, my knees hurt this morning. I wish I hadn't let my fitness slide again. This time, I will be different. Oh yes, I will be different!

I did my run. Slow and short, but I did it. I wanted to run longer, but my chest decided that would be a bad idea. I covered about 2k, but walked for about 0.25k. But I haven't run since October. Anyway, my body always surprises me when it comes to how quickly I can get back into running. I just have to put some more dates into my diary.